6 years ago, Jenni’s very healthy and active mum was diagnosed with
cancer. Unfortunately it was a very rare and aggressive type that took her life
very quickly. I asked Jenni if she would share her story of ‘Mothering without mum’, as part of the mothering series.
What were your dreams of being a mum, in relation to your own mum?
Seeing my mum with my sisters and
their children, I was thinking it would be fairly similar to that. She was
such a great ‘hands on’ Grandma and I couldn't wait to have that relationship
with my own kids and her. I looked forward to being pregnant, getting excited
with her and for her to be there to answer my 'mum type questions', once I'd had a baby. I also looked forward to just hanging out with her and generally doing the
next bit of life together, in the security of knowing she would be there to
help if I needed a break or support.
Walk us through the life changes you quickly had to make...
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I was recently engaged when mum was diagnosed, and we ended up bringing our wedding forward so that she could be there. After being in hospital, she had come home to be made more comfortable. All the family were gathered and one morning the Doctor told us that if we wanted her there for our wedding we needed to do it ASAP. So that evening we got married in my parent’s house, with my Mum upstairs in bed watching on a video feed. Some incredibly generous friends managed to put up a marquee in the garden, and completely transform the house, filling it with fairy lights and drapes in just 6 hours! It was beautiful and looked like something from the movie "Father of the bride".
4 days later my mum passed away, with her legacy surrounding her bedside, worshipping and thanking God through the tears, for her wonderful life.
When you fell pregnant, what thoughts did you have in regards to your mum not being there?
Me and my Husband had the happy surprise of finding out we were pregnant 3 months into married life! Although this was a little shock, we were extremely happy and knew that this was a perfectly timed, beautiful gift from God. I think if I had fallen pregnant years down the line, it would have always brought up the grief of not having Mum around. However seeing as it had only been a few months, it was all still so raw. Just like our wedding, it was a season full of joy, mixed in with sorrow and loss; there was going to be so many life experiences that I would not be able to share with my Mum.
How has mothering been, without mum around? We are very blessed to have such great family and friends around us. We both come from large families so it has always meant that we have had a great support network.
My Husband was (and still is) very supportive. Night or day, he was there to comfort me when I felt the loss the most. The times when mum would have been by first port of call, to ask her advice about the kids, or share something new they had done, were the toughest. My second child was in and out of hospital and I know that had she been there, she would have helped out in an instant. That was really difficult. I found it hard knowing that my sisters’ kids had a relationship with mum that mine couldn’t have. It was very hard not to be jealous of them and of my friends who had their own mums around. Still to this day, I have to go to God about it a lot. My family, although can’t replace her, have been a great support.
From having Pauline as your mum, what have you learnt about being a mum yourself?
Walk us through the life changes you quickly had to make...
I was recently engaged when mum was diagnosed, and we ended up bringing our wedding forward so that she could be there. After being in hospital, she had come home to be made more comfortable. All the family were gathered and one morning the Doctor told us that if we wanted her there for our wedding we needed to do it ASAP. So that evening we got married in my parent’s house, with my Mum upstairs in bed watching on a video feed. Some incredibly generous friends managed to put up a marquee in the garden, and completely transform the house, filling it with fairy lights and drapes in just 6 hours! It was beautiful and looked like something from the movie "Father of the bride".
4 days later my mum passed away, with her legacy surrounding her bedside, worshipping and thanking God through the tears, for her wonderful life.
When you fell pregnant, what thoughts did you have in regards to your mum not being there?
Me and my Husband had the happy surprise of finding out we were pregnant 3 months into married life! Although this was a little shock, we were extremely happy and knew that this was a perfectly timed, beautiful gift from God. I think if I had fallen pregnant years down the line, it would have always brought up the grief of not having Mum around. However seeing as it had only been a few months, it was all still so raw. Just like our wedding, it was a season full of joy, mixed in with sorrow and loss; there was going to be so many life experiences that I would not be able to share with my Mum.
How has mothering been, without mum around? We are very blessed to have such great family and friends around us. We both come from large families so it has always meant that we have had a great support network.
My Husband was (and still is) very supportive. Night or day, he was there to comfort me when I felt the loss the most. The times when mum would have been by first port of call, to ask her advice about the kids, or share something new they had done, were the toughest. My second child was in and out of hospital and I know that had she been there, she would have helped out in an instant. That was really difficult. I found it hard knowing that my sisters’ kids had a relationship with mum that mine couldn’t have. It was very hard not to be jealous of them and of my friends who had their own mums around. Still to this day, I have to go to God about it a lot. My family, although can’t replace her, have been a great support.
From having Pauline as your mum, what have you learnt about being a mum yourself?
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What has God taught you through all of this?
6 years on, I now have 3 children, and there are definitely times when it
hits me harder than others. But over these years I have felt Gods Fathering;
His steadfastness, sovereignty and unconditional love for me. Even though there
has been loss and heartache, I have far more to be happy about. God has been so
good to me, I don't know how people do life without Him. He has blessed and
surprised me with such goodness in my life and I am truly thankful. Mum has
given me the foundations to draw near to and press into God, to have my own
relationship and adventure with him.What verses have you held onto in regards to mothering without your mum?
There are many, but I like are Psalm 139
and Psalm 73v23-26
"Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
Mothering series...
Thanks so much for such an honest and poignant account. It is a blessing and encouragement to read x
ReplyDeleteThis seriously touched a nerve with me.
ReplyDeleteIn 2014 my wonderful Mum died very suddenly of a heart attack when she was 63. She was on holiday with my Dad at the time so we had the whole trauma of getting her home.
About 4 months after she died I found out I was pregnant for the second time. The feelings were so mixed, huge delight but also despair that Mum would never meet her lovely grandaughter who has been named after her.
Last week I returned to work after maternity leave and it is so much harder without having my Mum to rely on. She would have provided me with so much practical and emotional support.
I am fortunate that I have a wonderful sister and we share a lot, but it isn't the same as having your Mum around.
Thanks for sharing.
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